CHALLENGING BEHAVIORS IN EARLY CHILDHOOD:

Challenging behaviors in early childhood and preschool settings are common concerns for teachers, caregivers, administrators and parents. In fact, preschoolers are expelled from their schools or centers at 3 times the rate of students in K to 12 programs. Why? Because often the administrator or teacher does not have the resources or skills to manage challenging behaviors. When the child has been asked to leave a preschool or center, everyone involved is negatively impacted. The teacher or administrator would have liked to keep that child and continue to teach and help that child grow. The child has an early attachment disrupted, and often leaves with negative feelings about themselves, and the parent feels that not only do they need to find another school or center, but that maybe something is wrong with their child or themselves. We hope that we can dispel some of the misunderstandings around challenging behaviors, as well as how to help so that caregivers, parents, teachers and administrators can first understand the why of challenging behaviors but also how to effectively address them.

How Do You Define Challenging Behaviors In Children?

Challenging behaviors include any behaviors that negatively impact the child’s ability to interact with others, learn, and get their needs met effectively. And they usually also negatively impact the adults who care for and teach them and or the other children in the classroom. They can be what you might consider mild behaviors that simply get in the way, like not making a transition along with the class in a timely way, or what is more concerning, such as hitting other children. Behaviors can include forms of acting out such as:

1. Physical aggression, such as hitting, biting, pushing
2. Verbal aggression such as name calling, teasing, yelling, or insulting.
3. Defiance, such as arguing against the rules, saying “No!” when asked to do something.
4. Disruptive behaviors such as talking or playing while the teacher is talking.
5. Running away, whether that means running down the hall or simply across the room.

Or behaviors may be a form of acting in, such as: 

1. Shutting down and not completing work or participating.
2. Becoming disengaged and not responding to teachers or peers.
3. Non-compliance, simply not following the direction or even coming along with the group.

Common Types of Challenging Behaviors

1. Aggression: Hitting, biting, or pushing others.
2. Disruption: Frequent interruptions during lessons or group activities.
3. Non-compliance: Refusing to follow instructions or rules.
4. Self-injury: Behaviors that cause harm to oneself, such as head-banging.
5. Withdrawal: Avoiding social interactions or activities.

Understanding the Why of Challenging Behaviors:

Before you can confidently address challenging behaviors, you must first understand them. What you believe about the behavior will guide your intervention. And many misunderstandings get in the way. For example, if you believe that a child is whining to “get attention”, then you may feel the best course of action is to ignore it and therefore not reward the behavior. However, if you believe that whining is the result of a child not having the skills they need to express a need or concern, then you will want to help them learn to do that in a more effective, acceptable way. (And let’s face it, you will also be less annoyed). 

The Role Stress Plays In Challenging Behaviors

In fact, children display challenging behaviors because they do not have the necessary social emotional skills to meet the demands of a situation or even their own needs. Social emotional skills include self awareness, social awareness, relationship skills, decision making skills and self management. The development of SEL skills is also impacted by stress. Stress has a big impact on whether a child (or adult)  can manage a situation, learn new things, or even listen. Stress is defined as a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances, and this can be real or perceived. It can include not feeling welcome when you walk into a room, worried that you will not be able to do something or to be accepted. A demanding circumstance can simply be not knowing how to get your own needs met to feel safe, to get a break, or to connect. And when a child (or adult) experiences stress, cortisol is released. When cortisol is released it inhibits your ability to think, listen, problem solve or be creative. In other words, the feelings of stress take over the thinking part of your brain. And cortisol can be released for up to 20 minutes and stay in a child’s system for up to 3 hours. So, what does a child or adult DO when under stress….they respond with some form of fight, flight or freeze. It's not planned. It's just a stress response. “Fight”  can include aggression, arguing, defiance, and “flight” can include running or walking away, and “freeze” can look like shutting down…and if these look familiar…it is because they are! Look back at common challenging behaviors. Challenging behaviors are stress responses.

 So let’s reconsider that example of the whining child. As the class is gathered on the rug for a story, she is whining that she can’t see (while you are trying to turn the book to everyone), and then that she already has this book, and it’s boring. It’s really easy to see this as a child who just wants attention, and  to ignore her. And in that case, she may escalate her behavior, not able to truly understand why she is being ignored, or she may give up, still not feeling understood. When she gives up, teachers often feel that their strategy was successful. But this girl did not learn any skills to express or manage her concerns, and it likely negatively impacted the very relationship she needs to feel safe, heard and understood in her classroom. Because children learn social emotional skills through a relationship with an emotionally skilled adult…in real time. How the adult responds to the child is how the child learns. No response equals no learning and no connection.

 Now what if this teacher understands that this child is experiencing some distress and does not have the skills to address them effectively and appropriately. Then the teacher will respond in such a way as to lower the stress and increase skills. Given that this teacher has a group of children ready to learn, this might start with neutrally describing what the child is doing and giving her a clear expectation of what to do, (without judgment) such as “You are talking while I am reading.”...”Please wait till I finish the page and raise your hand to talk”.  And yet you also need to help this child feel understood and develop self awareness, which can be done by expressing acceptance and understanding of her feelings….and after the story or when there is a pause, you might say, “It's hard to sit and listen to this story right now”.  In other words, when a teacher can communicate acceptance of a feeling and also make clear expectations, this child is more likely to feel less stress and build the appropriate skills.

 If you are thinking, This is not so simple….You are right! This is just a small example of how a teacher might respond to a child in this situation. But there are many variations on this and many factors. And there are additional things this teacher may do as well.  In our full course on Social Emotional Resilience, we teach specific adult skills that lead to building social emotional competence in children. There are ways to lower stress and block the release of cortisol. And there are skills to help you be understood and heard as the teacher as well.

Challenging Behaviors Examples

Here are some challenging behaviors examples and how a new approach helped. These examples provide insight into how these behaviors manifest in different settings, particularly in early childhood and preschool environments. This also includes SEL strategies that can help address these behaviors.

Running Away

In this case a new student began in preschool. In the first week, he quickly ran out of the classroom and was immediately down the hall and difficult to find. Panic spread. When a teacher caught up to him and tried to get him to safety, he struggled to get away and was laughing.

The initial belief of the teacher was that this child thought it was funny, and then the teacher became firm explaining to him the seriousness of what he had done. And he struggled more.

In fact, they learned that he ran often and his parents avoided outings for this reason.

They had also spoken firmly and he had lost privileges but it was not improved.

Then,  his teacher recognized that his impulse to run often occurred after what appeared to be a “minor” difficulty. It might even be that a child accidentally messed up his work, or a teacher corrected him. And it became quite clear that this running was a stress response. And he did not yet have the skills to manage the things that caused stress for him.  Once she saw that, she even noticed how moments when he started to become nervous, he moved quickly across the room. She decided that while she did keep that door closed, her first goal was to lower the stress of the child. 

This was done by helping to create a space in which he felt welcome, comfortable and most of all, understood. And this often meant stating out loud his perspective and feelings through empathy. Such as, “You are feeling worried that your tower might get knocked down”, “You are not feeling comfortable with that”, or “You wish I had not told you to give him back the toy”  And lots of genuine reassurance…”I am not mad at you”, or “I will help you.” 

And as she did so, she made sure that the expectations in the classroom were very clear to him. All of this reduced his stress and his running. And he began to build the skills to express himself as well. 

This is a short version of what happened, but to understand the balance of compassion and control that children like this child needed, go to our course on Compassion and Control to learn the specific skills to create a safer classroom.

Verbal Aggression

In another situation, this child would often have a very difficult time when others were in her space and she responded by yelling at them. The other children in the class were very uncomfortable. Again, at first look, it seemed that this child just wanted her way, and thought that if she yelled enough, she could get it. It was perceived as a planned and unkind way to meet her own desired end…of having space and toys to herself. And with this, the adults thought to talk about this being unkind. We might even think that this child is bossy and feel the adult role is to stop her bossiness.  

However, when we understand that this girl is not self aware enough to fully understand her own feelings or certainly express them, yelling is a stress response…we feel less annoyed by her. And in fact, we can understand that she may truly get stressed when kids are close, worry that she doesn’t know if they will take the very toy she is using, and not be able to manage that.

Strategies for handling challenging behavior

Often times, it helps to ask yourself….what is creating stress for this child? What does she need? And what would it look like if she had the skills to get her needs met while still meeting the expectations in a classroom? In this case, this child often felt threatened when others got close, feeling that they may take her toys. We learned from the parent that she was the youngest in the neighborhood group of children and often toys were taken from her. And she did not have the skills to express her worries or get what she needed, and so she yelled…aggressively. 

SEL approach to student behavior

The teacher sought to first make sure that the other children felt safe and expectations were clear, telling the child she was using a loud voice close to her friend’s faces. And, she needed to “Ask for help in a voice this loud” or simply say, “My turn”. If she continued to yell near her friends' faces, the teacher warned that she may have to play elsewhere. And yet, the teacher also knew that she needed to help this girl feel safe AND help her build the skills to get her needs met in a way that was more acceptable and effective. So she started by expressing acceptance of her feelings and perspectives…by saying things like, “You are worried that they might take what you are using.” or “It's hard to share space with so many kids”. And in fact, this little girl began to express her feelings more clearly and appropriately at school AND at home. 

This short example is not enough to really understand all of the skills the teacher used to change the behavior, but it starts with understanding why. By taking our new self paced course on Social Emotional Learning that Actually Works, you can learn why so many traditional strategies are not working and how children develop the skills they need to behave well. 

Common Behavior Challenges In Preschool when Children Struggle

Preschoolers come into school for often the first time with so much to learn. They developmentally are still learning to express themselves, follow routines, interact with others, and so many of the tasks in a preschool classroom are different than those at home. To best address these let's look at some of the biggest issues that we hear from preschool teachers:

• Separation anxiety - How to say goodbye to parents or caregivers, even if they do like school. Keep in mind…this is real. Even if you see a child happily enjoying the playdough 10 minutes later, they are not manipulating or “playing” the parent. Moving away from the adult with whom you feel most safe, without any ability to change that, or to even grasp the timespan before you see them again can truly be anxiety producing. While you know that this child might need to start playing to enjoy the day, do not dismiss the feelings and tell them they are fine. You can acknowledge that “It is hard to say goodbye”, and you can also help the child feel safe and reassured that you are there to help them through it. There is not one way for all children to get through it, but they do need an adult to help them. 

• Difficulty Sharing - It is no wonder because when you think about it, the preschool classroom arguably requires more sharing than in any other setting. At this age, they are often discouraged from having any of their own things, and everything is to be shared. And developmentally, they are not really able yet to see the perspective of others, to negotiate, and problem solve. And let's face it, sharing is complicated! Sometimes when kids hear, “Share!” from an adult, they hear that they just need to give up the thing they really want. But in fact, sometimes it means to take turns, and that also can look many different ways. Or it can mean use it together, or split up something. They need adults in real time to help them talk through how they want to share. And it starts with understanding the perspective of each child. 

• Transitions - This can be the most difficult time of the day for many children AND teachers. They require that the child can shift their mindset from what they are doing to something else…to let go of what they were about to draw, build or pretend….and start doing something else. And sometimes this creates some stress. Add to it a lot of children going in different directions and adults who also have a lot to manage. Consider all of the ways you can reduce the confusion, make clear what the children are to be doing at each step. And show understanding as they shift their focus. 

And when a child is in all day childcare, you can add the following difficulty:

Naptime…In every Mariposa class with early childhood teachers and caregivers, we hear about naptime. Invariably, there is one (or more) child who not only is having trouble resting, but the behavior during naptime is disrupting everyone else. And for the care provider, chances are this is meant to be a break, or there are things that you need to get done. But even more stressful is that this child is doing things to ruin sleep for everyone in your care. This can build a lot of stress and tension for the adult and the little “No napper”. It helps to step into this child’s shoes. Sleeping for some children can be hard to come by in the day, and even more so in an environment away from home, a bit less cozy and with all of these people around. And that inability to settle themselves while everyone is quiet can build stress and anxiety. And that stress and anxiety can lead to yelling, big movements or more. So, start by finding a time before nap time begins to talk about it. 

Start by describing neutrally what is going on, with no judgment. So that might be, “Yesterday at nap time, you said you were not tired and threw the book, which woke up Jo”. It's not, “You have been very loud and disruptive at nap time lately”. (You can learn about neutral descriptions in all of our courses, including our new self paced course,  Social Emotional Learning that Actually Works.)  Then, give her a chance to talk. 

Then try stepping into her shoes….”It's really hard to lay down quietly at nap time.”... “You feel like it's too long and you don’t know what to do.”....In this way, you will learn more about what she needs….and this is the beginning of a process to in which the two of you can come up with a sustainable plan. One that meets the child’s need AND yours for a quiet nap time. And you can learn this in our full course on Building Social Emotional Resilience.

How to Deal with Challenging Behavior in Childcare

 Challenging behaviors in childcare centers requires so much of the adults who work very long days. When you have some skills and strategies that lower the stress of the children AND the adults, you can work smarter, not harder.

Strategies for Managing Challenging Behaviors

1. Describe behaviors neutrally. This not only decreases defensiveness, but it helps create clarity for you and the child as to what specific behaviors you are addressing. By addressing behaviors one at a time, you build success. It also mitigates bias and helps you to practice other skills that are linked to strong social emotional skills in children.You can learn more about neutral descriptions in any of our courses.
2. Clearly express your expectations by telling children what TO DO very specifically. Rather than be a good listener, describe what they need TO DO. “Sit on your mat and look up at the book”, for example. 
3. Express understanding and acceptance of the child’s feelings and perspectives. This does not imply acceptance of all behaviors. While most adults feel some empathy for the children they teach or care for, we often do not express it effectively.This takes skill on the part of the adult and in fact, many adults express being uncomfortable empathizing with a child. And yet, when teachers learn this skill, they consistently report it as being the most impactful and surprising. Sign up for our full course on Social Emotional Resilience or a shorter course, Compassion and Control to understand the power of a child feeling understood and how you can harness that power. 
4. Descriptive Reinforcement: Children need 5 forms of positive feedback for every negative form of feedback. And yet, how you do it matters. Tell children specifically and neutrally what they did and what effort or impact was associated with it. Such as “You sat for the entire story, even though you did not like it” as opposed to “You are such a good listener” Learn why labels or even prizes actually get in the way of building internal motivation and perseverance.

Learning the right skills can help:

Challenging behaviors occur when children do not have the social and emotional skills they need to behave well and stress gets in the way. When you understand this, you understand your role better. So often by focusing on the behavior itself, we end up working so hard and make no progress. Things even get worse. However, when the adults have the skills they need to create safe learning spaces and to respond to children in a way that lowers stress and builds skill…things improve…challenging behaviors decrease. And children can learn and teachers and caregivers can teach and enjoy their work again. 

At Mariposa we are working with teachers, administrators, parents, and all adults in a child's life in order to raise children to rise. Learn more about our courses below or click this link and fill out our form

Our expertise

This information is provided free by our experts - Dr. Anne Townsend and Jenny Barrett. Combined they have over 50 years experience in Social Emotional Learning and school education.