The Parent Child Relationship: The Barriers, the Power and the Hope
So often, in our parenting courses, our parent coaching, and in my work as an administrator, parents come to talk about their children, and often when they are very worried. The parent wants to know what to say and do to buffer their child during a divorce, what to do when they are asked not to come back to a camp, how to handle their child’s behavior challenges that are driving others away, or how to help their child be heard and seen in their school or friendships…this is on top of all of the day to day conflicts over going to bed, meals, getting out the door. Sitting down with that parent to talk it through is always worth the time. Because the parent child relationship is powerful in its ability to build resilience.
Barriers to a successful parent child relationship
A quality relationship with an emotionally skilled adult is the single most predictive factor for resilience. So the importance of the parent child relationship cannot be overstated. And yet, even loving, present, caring parents are not taught the key behaviors that account for this type of relationship. In fact, there are a lot of myths out there that actually teach parents the opposite of what builds resilience. While we may be years beyond “children should be seen and not heard”, parents are still advised to ignore a child in distress, to start from a belief that a young toddler is manipulative rather than unskilled at getting his needs met, and a host of other spoken or unspoken messages which keep you from actually connecting with your child or effectively managing behavior.
And on top of that, parental stress and anxiety make it very hard to be emotionally skilled. Every parent knows the feeling of regret after yelling or not responding well because we had too much stress to be able to think.
Key Behaviors for Quality Relationships Between A Parent and Child
There is hope. Parents can learn the key behaviors, skills and language to better connect with their children, get the control needed, and to collaborate… building emotional resilience through your relationship. And these skills not only reduce your child’s stress, but yours too.
For example, when we learn to express our own emotions, our children are more connected to us, are not left guessing, and ultimately learn that these emotions are normal and can be expressed…without breaking each other down. In an effort to avoid the “guilt trips” or laying too much on our children, many adults have moved so far away from expressing feelings that they only state rules or advice, never sharing how they feel. So, learning how to share our own feelings without judgment takes some practice. But it's well worth it.
Learning the skills and words to connect, get control, and collaborate with children
Through our online parenting courses, parents learn about the brain science behind stress and anxiety, and 5 specific skills that you can develop to get control without breaking down the relationship, to connect and understand, and to collaborate with your child. In other words, the skills you need to have the type of parent child relationship that research shows leads to more socially emotionally skilled children, less challenging behaviors, less stress and less anxiety.
Online Parenting Courses
When considering an online parenting course, some people like to work completely on their own with an independent self study. Others like the combination of self study with guided practice. And still others benefit from coaching. We can offer any of these options and unlike other parenting programs, our coaching and direct instruction are done by us…the lead instructors with over 50 years of combined experience and research in helping children and parents to build the parent child relationship you envision.
If you are interested in a self study course available right now, click here. If you are looking for other options, see a menu of offerings, including free video lessons, check out Mariposa Education’s online parenting courses here.
Authors:
Dr. Anne Townsend has been working with teachers and early childhood educators for over 20 years. She is the President and Chief Academic Officer of Mariposa Education and a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the lives of children. LinkedIN Profile.
Jenny Barrett has over 30 years of early childhood education experience as a special educator and an administrator. She is the Lead Instructor at Mariposa Education. LinkedIN Profile.
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